Jesus had gone into heaven from the Mount of Olives a few days before.  We, his followers, were still waiting in Jerusalem for the gift he had promised us.  Meeting together often in the upper room, we talked incessantly.  Not meaningless, repetitive chatter or gossip, but useful, productive discussions, as faithful men and women strove together to understand the work of Jesus and their place in it.  There were so many questions, and as each was asked and discussed, so many of the teachings of Jesus fell into place for us.  Statements which had seemed obscure and awkwardly symbolic, now seemed crystal clear in the light of his death and resurrection.  The upper room had become a place of warm fellowship and a new understanding.

Then Peter raised the vexed question of Judas and the thrones promised to Jesus’ disciples.  Twelve disciples.  Twelve thrones.  Twelve tribes.  But only eleven disciples remained.  Judas Iscariot had taken his own way and would never sit on a throne judging one of the tribes of Israel.

What should be done?

Judas had betrayed Jesus and led a crowd of religious officers and soldiers to take him prisoner.  Once he saw that Jesus had been condemned, he thought better of it, but took the coward’s way out – instead of trying to rectify his failure as Peter bravely did.  Jesus had said that it would have been better for his betrayer if he had never been born, and Judas sought a noose instead of forgiveness.

There were many ghastly reports and rumours about what had happened to Judas, but as far as I can tell, after throwing the blood money down in the temple, he went to an unused plot of land and hanged himself by a rope from a tree.  His body was found the following afternoon while Jesus was still on the cross, but with the Passover feast imminent, no-one was willing to make themselves unclean by taking down his dead body.  The news was apparently passed on to the chief priests, and there the matter rested.  After Jesus’ resurrection, the chief priests weren’t very eager to talk about the subject at all, so the body was left hanging while they secretly arranged the purchase of the unused plot, using the very money they had paid Judas for his betrayal of Jesus.  The plot has since become a burial place for foreigners who die in the city while on a pilgrimage.  A field of death bought with blood money.  Meanwhile, Judas’ body remained hanging from the tree, slowly decaying. It seems that last week his neck finally parted and the body fell to the ground and burst open, with all Judas’ insides gushing out onto the ground.  A sad end for a man who had had so many advantages and opportunities.  I knew him well.

Nevertheless, his absence posed a difficult question: what should be done?  Peter reminded us of some words of David in the Psalms: “may another take his office.”[1]  It made sense.  Twelve judges would be needed to sit on the twelve thrones Jesus had said were already prepared.

It did not take long to agree on that, but the next step took quite a while.  How would we choose the replacement?

Well, that was a very tough question.  Finding candidates was not hard, although there were many opinions about that too.  Hours of prayer and discussion were required to conclude that we should consider only people who had travelled with Jesus from the start of his ministry.  After all, the twelve disciples had to know all the things Jesus had taught.  It was acknowledged that there were some things which Jesus did only with the twelve, but then again, there were also some specific occasions where he took only three or four of the twelve for some special events.  Someone who had stuck to Jesus from the start was the closest we could get to someone having the same background as the twelve.

Funnily enough, there were at least as many women who had done that as men, and someone even asked whether the replacement could be a woman.  That was answered fairly quickly - Jesus had chosen men as his disciples, despite those same women being already such consistent followers.  Others also pointed out that Abraham, Isaac and Jacob were all men, as were the fathers of the twelve tribes and all the kings, and that Eve had been made for Adam, not Adam for Eve.  Still others reminded us that, while Jesus had not excluded women from following him – and had often defended individual women from criticism, and even from stoning in one case – he still had not chosen them as leaders.

This was a tentative but wonderful time for Jesus’ followers, as we learned to work together to find God’s way when Jesus was not there to tell us.  We didn’t just pray and then make up our minds; nor did we talk and talk before finishing with a final prayer for blessing.  Rather, we prayed frequently throughout.  Whenever there were differences of opinion, we would stop and pray.  It is amazing how much more clearly one can see God’s way when prayer is a first port of call, not a last resort.  Some complain that it takes too long, but I can’t help thinking about Jesus spending entire nights in prayer struggling to determine what was best.  It often wasn’t easy for him to know what was best, and since that was his solution, I’m sure it should be ours too.

Many thousands of people had followed Jesus in the early days.  Wherever he went, crowds were everywhere.  While I’m certain he would have been very popular even without the miracles, the miracles guaranteed an eager following.

Jesus’ most popular miracle was the feeding of 5,000 men, plus women and children.  The next day, many wanted a repeat performance, but instead, Jesus made some of his most difficult statements ever: about eating his flesh and drinking his blood.  Followers who had just come for a feed gave up and left immediately.  Many of his long-time followers were so upset that they left too – so many, indeed, that Jesus even asked the twelve whether they would be leaving too.  But they couldn’t.  Of course they couldn’t.  Jesus’ words were life, and there was nothing better available anywhere.  We just had to try to understand, not run away.

Anyway, the numbers built up again after that , but there were not many of the original followers left – just the twelve, a very few other men, and the women who always looked after Jesus so kindly.  I think they all would have loved to mother him, and probably quite a few of the younger ones would have liked to marry him, but Jesus always remained a little aloof in some ways.  His dealings with women were always infinitely kind, utterly friendly and helpful, but completely exemplary.  Quite unique.

Many new followers joined the existing few, and stayed with the twelve through the dark days while Jesus was dead.  Those were days when we didn’t really know which way to turn.  We thought of giving up.  Those few days taught me a very important lesson about how blind I could be, failing to see the simple prophecies in scripture and spoken by Jesus.  It made me realise that others will be like that too, and causes me to be much more patient when I teach people about Jesus.

So there we were.  About 120 people with a wonderful hope and strong fellowship – and a very important task to do: replace Judas.  We started by thinking out loud about those who had been with Jesus from the beginning; it was quite an enlightening experience.  It made us understand why Jesus had said that many are called but few are chosen.  Thomas might say, “Remember so-and-so?” and name an enthusiastic follower who had encouraged us greatly, until his father had died and his inheritance had claimed him.  We would sit for a while and remember his useful contributions and feel sad that the love of the world had overcome his love of Jesus.

In the end, there were only two who had been with Jesus from the start when he was baptised by John, and were still with the believers that day.

Only two: Matthias and Justus.

But two was as bad as twenty.  How should the choice be made?  Everyone who spoke agreed that the two were faithful and committed followers of Jesus, but which would be better for this important job?  One of the two pointed out that he had been available when Jesus had chosen the twelve and that Jesus had not chosen him, so he would only want to take the position if he could be sure that it was Jesus’ will.

Everyone agreed with that too.

Someone mentioned a passage in Proverbs:

“The lot is cast into the lap, but its every decision is from the Lord;”[2]

then suggested that we should draw lots to find which of the two would be the right one.  Another agreed and mentioned a second passage:

“The lot puts an end to quarrels and decides between powerful contenders.”[3]

That was certainly what we wanted.  No quarrels, and a decision between the two who met the requirements.

After a while, everyone agreed, and we prayed for guidance through the lot.  The lot was cast and Matthias was chosen.  He was accepted into the number of the twelve and will be among them when they sit on twelve thrones judging the twelve tribes of Israel.

Once again, I had not been chosen.

When Jesus had first chosen the twelve, I had felt judged and rejected – until Jesus had comforted me.  There has never been a man with such compassion and empathy as he.  He knew that I was worried about what was wrong with me.  He reassured me that I was not being rejected as ungodly or a failure, but that this task was not the right one for me.  He encouraged me to continue and never give up, so I did.  I stayed with Jesus through times of both joy and worry, and felt that I had learned so much from him.  At times, it had occurred to me to wonder whether possibly I would have been included if the twelve had been chosen later, once I had learned more from Jesus.

Now I knew the answer: I was still not the right person.

Jesus’ words to me have always stayed with me, and they supported me during the time after Matthias was chosen.  Despite the joy of Jesus’ resurrection, they were difficult days for me.  Rejection is hard to cope with, and a double rejection seemed almost unbearable.  What confidence and faith could I have when I knew I did not make the grade?  The other believers saw that it hurt, and they could understand why.  It was one of the much newer believers, another man named Joseph, who started me thinking on the right path again.  He reminded me that he had only met Jesus for the first time less than two months before he was crucified.  For him, the wonderful discovery of an utterly reliable leader had been such a fleeting joy as his master had been snatched away and crucified.  He had had very little opportunity to know Jesus and to learn from him, and he was envious of the years I had spent in the company of the saviour.  It got me thinking again of Jesus’ words that he had not rejected me, it was just not the right work for me.

With prayer and help from my brothers, I got over the hump and went back to the motto Jesus had given me, “Never give up!”  Jesus did not want me as a leader – he wanted me as a servant, and how glad I was that he wanted me at all!

Matthias did his work well as one of the twelve, starting with a major test on the day of Pentecost just a week later, and a crown of righteousness is laid up for him.

I’m so glad I didn’t let his acceptance by Jesus make me stumble and lose my faith in Jesus.

Never give up.  Jesus knows what is best for you better than you do yourself.

Historical note
Joseph, also called Barsabbas and Justus, was probably the brother later sent with Paul and Silas to carry the letter from the elders after the conference in Jerusalem.  At that time, he is called Judas Barsabbas (see Acts 18:22) and spoken of as one of the leading men among the brethren.  In Colossians 4:11, Paul writes of one Jesus, called Justus, a Jew who was a fellow worker for the kingdom and who had been a comfort to Paul.  Could this also be the same disciple?  Some people in the Bible have several different names.

[1] Psalm 109:8
[2] Proverbs 16:33
[3] Proverbs 18:18