For the true story, see Matthew 21:33 - 23:36, Mark 12:1-40 and Luke 20:9-47.
It has been a busy day and no mistake. That uneducated carpenter from Nazareth has been causing trouble again, spreading pernicious rumours about all of the leaders and righteous people in the temple by hiding behind stories.
Early this morning he started out by telling a story about some tenants trying to steal a vineyard by doing away with the owner’s servants one by one, and finally killing his son. A ridiculous story, but clearly aimed at us because he has it in for us. I was so angry that I would have loved to drag him away myself and lock him up, or even stone him on the spot, but the ignorant commoners think that he is a prophet and insist that he be treated with respect. Respect! If
only he would treat his betters with respect the situation might not be quite so bad!
So we went away and had a quick pow-wow, discussing how we could turn his smart-aleck comments back on his own head. Someone suggested that we ask him a question where whatever answer he gave would be a bad one. It’s not hard to think of them – there are lots of paradoxes where neither of the available answers is truly correct.
Well, we tossed ideas backwards and forwards until finally someone suggested the perfect test: ask him whether we should pay taxes to Caesar. Everyone agreed that if he said “No” then he was in trouble with the Romans, and if he said “Yes” then he was in trouble with the patriotic Jews – and that is most of us. It would turn the crowd against him completely.
It wouldn’t be hard to get people who would be willing to be witnesses against him if he said that we should pay taxes, but it would be a little harder to get him into the trouble he deserves if he said that we shouldn’t pay taxes. Most people would like that answer – although they probably wouldn’t dare to carry it out when it came to the crunch.
But the Herodians would be vehemently opposed to any suggestion that we should not pay tax and would be willing to stir up trouble against anyone who suggested it in public. So, just in case Jesus was foolish enough to suggest in the hearing of a crowd of people in the temple that we should not pay taxes, we sent a message to some of the Herodians telling them about the little exhibition we had planned. As expected, they were eager to be there – they thought there was a good
chance that he would get caught in the trap.
Personally, I thought it was most likely that he would refuse to answer at all, which should be enough to lower his credibility in the eyes of his fanatical followers and the naive commoners who hang on his every word.
The trap was set and I was convinced that we couldn’t lose, whatever answer he gave. It couldn’t possibly go wrong.
Everything arranged, we headed out into the temple courts again. The Herodians were just arriving as we got to the place where the carpenter likes to harangue the silly mob.
I had been lucky enough to be chosen to ask the question, so I pushed through the crowd until I was near Jesus. It was hard to get through, because it’s mostly the uneducated people who cluster around him – the ones who lack most social graces and don’t seem to understand that when a learned man needs to get through a crowd, they should move aside promptly out of respect. Being that type, they didn’t move, and I was forced to push my way through. Some of the other Pharisees and
our followers were with me, as well as those Herodians we had invited along.
I need to point out that I would never normally be seen in public with Herodians, but this was a very special case. Sometimes you need to be willing to take any help you can get – and defeating this wordy carpenter is proving to be just such a case. So, there I was, and the Herodians were with me… Oh! That looks horrible when I write it down! How could I ever be willing to admit that I was with that rabble of pro-Roman sycophants? I’ll say instead that they were
near me, and leave it at that.
I stood in the crowd, resplendent in my robes, phylacteries and other necessary accoutrements, and waited for silence. Of course, I had failed to take into account the fact that this class of crowd just doesn’t understand the finer points of social interaction, and their religious background is practically non-existent. Silence never came.
Once it became clear that they were not going to accord me even the most basic courtesy, I realised that I would have to just launch into my little speech without the affected cough and the expansive wave of my hand that I had planned.
Never mind. I knew that it was going to be my hour of triumph. The Nazarene would be taken down a peg through my oratory – even if it was only asking a simple question.
“Teacher,” I said, with a nice balance of ingratiating politeness and the calm superiority that showed everyone that I understood that this was a brilliant question, “we know that you are true and teach the way of God truthfully, and you do not care about anyone’s opinion, for you are not swayed by appearances.” I was very pleased with that sentence, even if I knew that there wasn’t a word of truth in it! But it would lull him into a false sense of conceited confidence so that the
master-stroke that followed would be completely unexpected: “Tell us, then, what you think. Is it lawful to pay taxes to Caesar, or not?”
I had raised my voice a little for this finale, and I finished the sentence with a beautifully clear enunciation of the final “t” in that last word. It hung in the air, and by that time there really was silence.
Up to that point, everything had been going according to plan, but from then on, things didn’t quite work as we had expected. I don’t think it was my delivery. My gentle, honey-sweet tone had got everyone’s attention just as we predicted, and I’m sure that it had effectively masked the dangerous trap in the question that followed.
But, though Jesus didn’t bat an eyelid, there was no doubt that he had seen the trap very clearly. I don’t know how he saw through our plot so easily. Without delay, he was on the attack. He called us all hypocrites and accused us of trying to trap him.
In all honesty, I suppose we really were trying to trap him, but it was only for the good of those poor sheep we Pharisees have to look after. I certainly wouldn’t be bothering with this wayward woodworker if it weren’t for them!
Anyway, I’m sure it was a fluke, but the answer Jesus gave avoided the trap completely. It also sounded as if it was an answer to the question, but it wasn’t really. Naturally, the ignorant crowd didn’t realise it, and they were all amazed at how clever he was and sang his praises – it was positively sickening. Fawning. Drooling over him and laughing at me.
As far as I was concerned, it was the end of any possible reconciliation with him. I have no idea how he came up with such an answer, but it certainly wasn’t fair to avoid my question like that.
I left in disgust.
I heard quite a few laughs behind me as I walked away.
Later that day, we heard that the Sadducees had tried their luck with him too. They must have seen or heard of our difficulties and smugly expected to be able to do better. How absurd – as if telling a foolish, concocted story about seven brothers one after another marrying the same woman would ever be clever enough to trap Jesus!
Of course, they got their well-deserved comeuppance. He gave them a stinging rebuke: “You are wrong, because you know neither the Scriptures nor the power of God.” There was some truth in that, since the Sadducees are rather ignorant about the Bible. They won’t even read most of it! However, it left me with mixed feelings – I was glad to hear they had failed to trap him when we couldn’t, but infuriated that he continued to defeat the best minds in the nation. Of
course, it must still be blind luck, but it is rather extraordinary.
When we heard of the Sadducees’ failure, we couldn’t resist the opportunity to highlight Jesus’ ignorance on the very day when the Sadducees had failed to do so. It would deservedly improve our standing in the community.
We decided to get another of our number, a scribe he was, to ask the age-old question, “What is the most important commandment in the Law?” People have been arguing about that one for generations, and all the Rabbis express non-binding opinions and then defer to each other so that the question continues to be unresolved.
Well, once again, Jesus showed that he doesn’t have the educational background or the sophistication to stand among true rabbis. He deferred to no-one and stated categorically the two commands that he thought were most important. As if we really care about the opinion of an ignorant builder from Galilee!
I admit, however, that we may have chosen the wrong man to ask the question, that time. Not that I have anything against the man, but he is a little liberal and rather too quick to take an argument on its merits instead of considering the context and circumstances or who is involved in the contention. It sadly weakened our case when he simply agreed with Jesus instead of finding a point on which he could quibble.
Never mind, all was still not completely lost, and I’m sure we could have regrouped and reclaimed the high moral ground with just a little more planning.
But Jesus didn’t give us the time. It is most disconcerting when a man ignores the basic rules of debate and insists on trying to win at all costs!
Yes, he asked us a fatuous question about whose son the Messiah was. We gave the only answer that anyone can give – the son of David – and he started to insinuate that we had missed a fairly simple clue that would lead us to a different answer. In thinking about it since, I am convinced that he is moving closer and closer to blasphemy.
For us, that was the end of our involvement with the self-styled rabbi for the day and we beat a retreat, our dignity not quite intact, but not completely demolished either.
Later, we heard what he said after we left – imagine that, a public figure slandering us behind our backs! Shameful. All sorts of nasty, unfounded accusations, and made when we couldn’t even defend ourselves. If he had said straight out what he was insinuating, of course the crowd would have been on our side, but the ordinary people in the crowds that he collects are a bit slow to pick up on things, and they clearly didn’t understand just how ridiculous his suggestions
were.
What a day! Embarrassing and infuriating. Jesus is dangerous, and it seems to me that we need to take some very serious steps – and quickly too.
We must get rid of him, whatever it takes…
